If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. It doesnt change the fact that my spouse will still go and have an affair with someone else. Dear Mr. My Wifes Secret, You have to confront your wife. Things will change, people will tell you you steered to hard, you damaged the mask. I will walk out of the marriage- Derek Agyei. It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person . But all of this is in hindsight, no one could of predicted this storm.Old hands will retire from their service with you, while new ones will enlist. He just needs to do it. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. Can't you see you're dealing with an uber being? Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. I feel so much better hearing you say that it makes them feel insignificant as that is exactly what I wanted to convey to her. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. There can be any number of reasons, but I do suggest you try to get your mind off the affair partner and onto your own recovery - that is much more productive. Every now and then she reaches out to my husband, every time it really upsets me. Why? What was once in the dark was now in a fluorescent spotlight. If you've ever been cheated on, here's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner(s). You will now need to get tested for STD's as well as your wife. It hurts now, to be forced to fill the separation and see more than a bland life thrown at you without choice, but YOU can fill that hole with something new. That I forgave her. My candid answer is no. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. None of that should affect you however. Apart from being married, I have an image to protect. Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. He would lie about the weather if I couldnt see outside the window for myself. I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. You haven't mentioned your age. I was trying for medical school, and my grades were pristine. That was certainly true in our situation. Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. It always does. I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. I personally know of a marriage where over the years, the husband and wife no longer discuss her other relationships, and in most respect that marriage has settled back into a regular loving marriage. THAT was my mistake. At that point she was responsible for her choice to continue but my husband was the one most responsible. I'd also add that if she's cheated this early into the relationshipthen honestly your chances of being married to a potential serial cheater are pretty high. Were on the path to divorce, and family members will inevitably ask why. Click here to read more. Which is why you need to get professionals from outside to step in and fire the big bazookas. I plan to confront him when this happens, for me. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. 2018 Truth About Deception. I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. WebOne of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. Once again, i have never been in your position before, so im coming from the outside here. I think, the storm has passed. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. WebYour spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? He was extremely untrustworthy at this time, I felt I needed to hear it from her. Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. In her own words, she is having the 'best of both worlds'. Let her go. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. Expose the affair to her family. Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! I was done with him, what had I to say to her not my problem, not my problem, not my My confronting is not done out of anger, I just give/gave the WOMEN a choice. All Rights Reserved. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. I agree with this article but sometimes the choice is taken from you. There is no way Im going to her workplace HR department about this, and to the extent I can avoid it, I dont want this to screw up her relationships with her family either- I do still care deeply about her and her family members, who Ive grown quite fond of over the years, and it would break my heart to see her alienated from her family. If I confront her lover and we ended up fighting and I am badly injured, I am the one that will be ashamed. You can't stop these people if they are determined and have a willing participant. I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. As much as I can move on, take responsibility, or as many times as I can apologize to my lover's wife (which I did), that kind of experience lives with you and takes up residence in your soul. It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. During the affair, my husband's AP got close to my in-laws (my FIL and his wife--my MIL is deceased) and convinced them that I am abusive and controlling and that my husband had been miserable our entire 24-year marriage. He was shaking for our entire conversation and got the message. Pointing and laughing? I am dreading this. She has been my best friend for over a decade, and has given me beautiful children, whom I adore. Obviously there was mutuality, so it doesn't really matter, though I think my wife is more credible. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. What happened with you two? The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. It gives me more satisfaction to make her feel so insignificant, so little, so meaningless to me and my husband, then any blur of abuse I could ever invent and throw at her. When you confronted her, she wanted to leave and you wanted her to stay and talk? Our baby is now 8 mo. They may be crazy Safety first. Only a mad manll do that- Jonathan Akpan. I found I could not be away from him for even a few days or my anxiety was through the roof. Your son deserves to be in a positive environment. It still hurts and I need to move on. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. Under no circumstance should you lose your temper, or get violent. Confronting the affair partner is the essence of the pick me dance. He is to blame because he would not say no. This is not the last voyage you will take. This is easy. I divorced him and he married her. got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. I thought she would move after he passed. In such situations, it's not realistic to expect your spouse to stay neutral. I ghosted her and have always felt like I missed the opportunity to let her have it! Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? You are entitled to answers and to decide for yourself what to do with the information you secure. I remember commenting on your original post a while ago. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). I've documented this experience in previous posts. The problem is between my man and me. The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. What if you should meet up with her by chance? I have been in a similar situation like this before. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! When she returns home with her cum stained panty underneath, please hug her again, and tell her how much you love her, and how she is the apple of your eye. Probably not. He was visibly shaking during the encounter and when he cried to my wife she then saw him as pathetic. She was married but could care less but was determined to have my husband only to destroy our Xmas. That we two have serious problems and good luck. In fact, it's a natural, self-protective response. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. When the PI is done with his job, he will have a watertight folder of documentary evidence that nails her infedility. *You are continuous and undying. But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner? She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. Rest assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). If she doesnt stop she should consider the marriage over. We talked a long time and I told her that I was going to contact her husband and let him know that I knew and how disappointed I was in both of them . Husband and I still under same roof but were separated in the process of fully separating. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. If you only knew the painful path you're about to walk it's actually more painful that if you just walk away. I told her how the affair made me feel- angry, betrayed, sad. He naturally attributed the initiative in the affair to my wife, while she attributes it to him, but how can I decide who's accurate about that? Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? Hugs all around. Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. The PI is done with his job, he will have a folder. Bizarre, because she will turn the tables on you and claim ca... 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